seanshannonLast month I got back into stomping arrows after a very long hiatus. Looking back, I stopped going out to the garage for a variety of reasons, including lack of time (I kicked my writing into overdrive last year, and am about to look for agents for my first novel and screenplays), and the health concerns I had late in 2009. I was also upset about the direction Konami took with DDR, and stopped giving their money; this November will mark four years since I last stepped on an arcade machine.</p>
One of the biggest reasons I quit, though, was because I just got so obsessed with scores and the like that stomping arrows quit being fun for me. Even though I knew I'd never be as good at stomping arrows as everyone I met at tournaments, I still focused so much on getting perfect scores and such that I didn't enjoy myself any longer, and that just made it hard to go out to the garage and set up my stuff.
More to the point, all the most recent developments in dance game software has me wondering if there's a point in chasing records any longer just because nearly every machine has been hacked to bits. When Kevbo FECed Vertex2 Expert Single, he did it on x3.25, which was never an official ITG speed modifier. Mad Matt's footspeed is incredible, but many of his videos show his scores being accepted as machine records at the end, even when he uses a Cmod on a song with BPM changes. This isn't to take anything away from either of them, because their feats are truly incredible, but in an age when you can't find an ITG machine that hasn't been hacked, what's to say that the timing windows, and thus the scores can be trusted?
I'm using the current alpha build of Stepmania 5 now. I've got it set to the default timing windows, which are about as big as home versions of DDR, and the easiest lifebar settings so I don't lose much health when I get misses. No "serious" dance game player would consider anything I accomplish on this setup official, but you know what?
WHO CARES?
I play dance games to lose weight. Yes, I still get a bit of a thrill when I get a good score or pass a chart I haven't passed before, but that's not the point. If I'm doing this to lose weight -- and I certainly need to lose weight after not working out all that much these past couple of years -- then I should do everything I can that gets me out to the garage and sweating my buns off. If that means some dance game players turning their nose up at my "accomplishments" then what does that matter?
I don't play dance games for anyone but myself. It's taken me nearly eight years to realize that, and I hope that these new changes in my mindset will result in me going out to the garage more often, stomping arrows, and just having fun.
Mood: 
determined
</p>
Pretty much all my attempts to diet have been stopped cold before they could get started. I've been wanting to try South Beach, but between the money I'd need for the food to do it properly and my finicky eating habits, I haven't been able to do much. Complicating matters now is that I'll be moving this summer and need to save up money for that, plus I don't know if I can do stompity or other forms of exercise wherever I wind up next.
On the plus side, I worked out today for the first time in ... I don't really want to think about that.
Oh, and I let my paid LJ features expire at the beginning of the year. All things being equal, paying for more userpics is just about one of the dumbest things I can do right now given everything else I need to set aside money for.
Mood: 
crushed
With so many writing- and teaching-related tasks to take care of, dieting and exercising has pretty much fallen by the wayside for too long now. I wish I could say I see this getting better soon -- I know I need to get better at both -- but through the end of the year I'm going to be so busy that I need the convenience and, yes, comfort of foods that I really shouldn't be eating too much of. I know how stupid this is, but if I try to diet right now I think my head will explode.</p>
Soon, though, I want to get back to dieting and regular exercise. Any support you all can provide for that would be appreciated.
Oh, and Lara: 16 > 10.
PUMP LOSES.
Mood: 
busy
YouTube's being a pain and not loading the embed code, so here's the link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=AbnvXEyh8XA.
Mood: 
chill
Mom is in the hospital right now after coming down with diverticulitis. It appears that things are under control right now, but given Mom's advanced age, and what happened with Dad last year, I'm not taking anything for granted. Your good thoughts/energy/prayers/etc. would be most appreciated.
Mood: 
worried
Mood: 
amused
How can you be so utterly amazing when it comes to freestyling, but then give us stepcharts like this? When a chart is this gimmicky, and the song that bad, I just have no desire to learn it. (Stop & GO! and the Tsu series are the only gimmicky charts I actually like to learn.) Come on, Don, spend less time making charts and more time dancing.
Oh, and just so Phrekwenci doesn't feel alone, here's another gimmicky chart that made me shake my head:
Mood: 
irritated
</p>
- I started back on my diet yesterday.
- I would have started back on it sooner, but our stovetop broke.
- I'm probably not going to bother with regular updates anymore since my Sparkpeople food log updates automatically, and I doubt I'll have any stompity accomplishments to post here anytime soon.
- I have a fully-functioning Stepmania setup now, but I haven't been playing because of stomach problems.
- I also haven't been sleeping well because we have people over here to cut down all the dead trees in our yard, and I've been woken up by the sound of chainsaws way too often for my liking lately.
- I don't like doing entries as bullet lists. I'm an English teacher; paragraphs are my comfort zone.
Mood: 
nauseated
My attempt to get back onto my diet earlier this month got sidetracked by an unexpected illness and some expected events that I knew would result in off-diet days (my own birthday, Dad's birthday which the family continues to mark, dinner out with friends). In the meantime I've read Jonah Lehrer's most excellent new book on neuroscience, How We Decide, which may be the most life-changing book I've read since Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. In addition to providing other insights into my life and my thinking process, it's also helped me realize why I go off of my diet when I do, which should be of great assistance to me when I finally go back on my diet. However, it's also made me realize exactly why I can't go back on my diet now, and how attempting to do so would sabotage other areas of my life. For now, I'm not exactly eating as well as I do when I'm on-diet, but I'm trying not to be as stupid about what I eat as I tend to be.</p>
I need to solve a couple of food-related difficulties before I start dieting again, though. For one thing, I need to revise one of my daily meal plans, because right now it's only leaving me with vegetables to eat for dinner, and that's creating a huge disincentive for me to stick to my diet. I need at least some grains, if not some protein (ideally both), to give me motivation, so I need to rework that menu plan, and probably start trying some new foods out. Secondly, Kroger recently discontinued its Kroger Value line of low-fat ice creams, which had been a daily staple for me. Not only am I finding it difficult to find another brand of ice cream with similar nutritional numbers, but every other brand of ice cream is at least twice as expensive, and that adds up in a hurry. I know I eat too much ice cream, but on some days I actually need that ice cream at the end of the day in order to get a full three servings of dairy. I need time to figure these things out, and time is not something I have a surplus of right now.
(Yesterday I noticed that Kroger has Kroger Value products back in the freezer case, but in addition to having much different nutritional data than the old product, the new product is labeled as "frozen dairy dessert," not ice cream. I don't buy the Kroger Value line of shredded cheeses because, instead of being labeled shredded cheese like everything else in that section, they're labeled "mozzarella melt topping" and "cheddar melt topping." This labeling makes me extremely wary of exactly what is in the products if they can't be called shredded cheese or ice cream. They hadn't put a price out for the new "frozen dairy dessert," but regardless of what that price winds up being, I'm not going to buy it because it kind of creeps me out when they put such strange names on their products.)
On the plus side, by the end of the week I should have my Stepmania setup complete. I already have the adapters to hook my pads up to my laptop, and I've played a few sets down in the garage on my laptop screen, but in addition to being too small, the design of the laptop means I can't see the screen when I bend down to hit hands. I'll be getting a new television I can hook up to my laptop later this week, and I've already ordered new speakers for a more arcade-like sound. Once this setup is complete, it will basically be as good as any of the new dance machines out there, only a lot less expensive, without all the unnecessary and energy-draining flashy lights, and a lot more versatile since I can use the laptop as a laptop and the television as a television. I already have 2,900 songs loaded on Stepmania, so I doubt I'll get bored anytime soon, especially since I can always load another programme on the laptop like Mungyodance or a Pump It Up simulator. (One big advantage of my dance pads is that they can switch seamlessly between four-panel and five-panel play.)
I'm not going to say that this means that I'll never play arcade machines again, but honestly, what's the point now? The only real reason to play dance games outside of my house now is for the social aspect, and I have no desire to be social in the dance game community now. The only person in the community I want to play with at this point is Lara, and she's already said that she's willing to come by and test out the new setup when she passes through Toledo again. Besides, the last time I stepped foot on an arcade machine was my match against Lara at the Amazone 2 tournament in Cleveland, and I think there's something poetic about my last time playing on an arcade machine not only being with my closest friend in the dance game community, but competing against a two-time national dance game champion to boot. I'm not saying that I'm "retired" from arcade play now (and let's face it, I was never good enough for anyone to care about me making such an announcement), but I don't see any reason why I'd want to play on an arcade machine again.
I'll probably break out my DDR home versions again at some point, if only to get that 1000th home version AAA (since I was so close to it), but in all seriousness, Konami has squashed my desire to play their games. All the changes to the game mechanics and the other assorted stupidities were bad enough, but taking my favourite song out of the game and putting in MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This" is the only reason I think I need to give for why I don't want to play DDR ever again. Now that I have a Stepmania setup, I think it's time for me to move past DDR, and onto an environment that actually motivates me to play.
Mood: 
curious
Food logs for the week start here; Tuesday was off-diet because of my brother-in-law's birthday.</p>
Exercise this week, if you can believe it, was an hour of DDR Disney Channel on Friday. I figured I couldn't get any angrier at Konami than I already am. I can't wait until my USB adapters show up so I can test out playing on the laptop, because that would really open things up for me. More warm weather like we had at the end of this week would be nice, too.
Mood: 
angry
When we took in Spookytooth last year, we also took in his mother, a calico cat we alternately called Cali, Hobbes, and Mikeneko. After Spooky's death, Mikeneko took on even more importance in our lives. Sadly, recenly she had begun to show signs of the same disease that claimed Spooky (Feline Infectious Peritonitis, or FIP), and last night we finally took her to the vet for tests. When the vet said this morning that Mikeneko had either FIP or a severe brain tumor (most likely FIP), the decision was made to put Mikeneko to sleep.</p>
The worst part is that it doesn't really seem to be affecting us like it should. Due to the proximity of the first anniversary of Dad's death (this past Monday), we're all feeling so numb right now, and with having to deal with Spooky's death in between the two, I fear that we may, in a sick way, be getting too accustomed to death.
Mood: 
sad
I was willing to overlook a lot of Konami's stupidity with DDR and ITG these past couple of years, but now it's all too much. I'm going to build a Stepmania setup in my garage, and if Konami wants any more of my money then they'll have to send someone to beat me up, because I'm through with them.
Anyway, food logs for the week start here, and both Thursday and today wound up being off-diet days because the heating element in our oven went asplodey, and without an oven my diet food options are really limited. I have enough diet foods now to get me through until the replacement element gets installed Monday, and I probably could have found a way to stay on-diet today, but it's been one of those "reverse Midas touch" days for me where everything I touch turns to crap.
I only got in Wii Fit on Sunday, but I should have my Stepmania setup ready to go in a few weeks here, and if that doesn't get me back to stomping arrows, I don't know what will.
Mood: angry
Food logs for the week start here. Wednesday was an off-diet day because of free pizza and the need to take care of a couple of cravings.</p>
No exercise this past week because I want to make sure my right leg is healed up before I try Wii Fit again. Stompity is still out of the question while the weather's so cold.
Can anyone recommend a good PS2 to USB adapter for hooking Cobalt Flux pads up to a computer for Stepmania? I've seen the adapters page on stepmania.com, but it seems like there's no real consensus there (except for RedOctane's adapters, which haven't been made in forever).
Mood: 
lonely
Twenty pounds lost. (It figures this would happen on a planned off-diet day.)
Mood: 
blah
Food logs for the past week start here. No off-diet days.</p>
Winter semester started on Monday, and between that and a pain in my right thigh, I only got in thirty minutes of Wii Fit on Sunday and Friday. Given how freakishly cold it's been this past week, though, I was hardly in the mood to hit the garage. DDR may have to wait until it gets back above freezing here.
Mood: sad
Food logs for this past week start here. No off-diet days because I'm behaving (and I put on too much weight over the holidays).</p>
Exercise this week was thirty minutes of Wii Fit on Sunday and Monday, and then nothing else because my leg got really sore on Tuesday. I also had a lot of work to do late this week because I start teaching again on Monday, and I finally get to teach creative writing for the first time. My schedule should allow for more exercise this coming term, but I still have a million other things I'm trying to do here. I try not to let exercise drop, but that's easier said than done.
Mood: busy
Food logs for the past three weeks start here. Off-diet days were 12.15 (semester-end parties for my classes), 12.24-25 (Christmas, duh) and 12.30-31 (New Year's stuff).</p>
No exercise during this time due to the combination of end-of-semester portfolio grading, sadness over Spookytooth's death (which still hasn't gone away), and getting a cold from my sister. It wasn't as severe as my colds usually get, but it sure was stubborn. I've still got a bit of gunk in my throat, but I think I can at least get back to Wii Fit starting tomorrow.
I think I will wind up buying myself a laptop later this month, and one of the main things I wish to do with this laptop is to create a Stepmania setup for myself. I could use some suggestions on brands and specs to look for. (I'll be getting a cheap LCD TV for output when I'm doing Stepmania, so I'll only need a laptop screen good enough for doing Web stuff and Word.)
Mood: 
depressed
How good are netbooks at running Stepmania?
Mood: 
crappy
</p>
Spooky was in bad shape when my sister came to the house yesterday, so she had her husband take Spooky to the vet right away. Spooky's brain problem had gotten to the point where nothing could be done to alleviate his pain and make him better, so my mother and sister agreed that he should be put to sleep.
Needless to say, the last thing this family needed when trying to deal with our first holiday season without Dad is yet another death.
Mood: devastated
(Cross-posted from seanshannon.org.)</p>
This past summer, shortly before we took Skooter to a shelter, the calico cat who had been hanging out on our property (alternately called Cali, Hobbes, Mikeneko, and Momma by the rest of us) gave birth to five kittens, who eventually joined their mother getting food on our porch. Four of the kittens eventually stopped coming here, presumably going their own way, but the fifth cat, an all-black boy, kept hanging around with both his mother and his presumed father (Lion King). When the weather got bad and the mother got pregnant again, we took the mother into Dad's old office (after getting her fixed and aborted) with the intent to eventually take her to a shelter as well. (She hasn't been that cooperative, though.) The black cat we named Spookytooth (Spooky for short), and took as our own to fill the void left by Rowan's death in 2006, Spyder moving out of the house with my sister and brother-in-law late last year, and Skooter.
Over the past couple of weeks, though, Spooky's behaviour kept getting stranger and stranger; she was losing energy, losing her appetite, and appeared to have gone blind. This past weekend we took her to the vet, where she was diagnosed with some kind of disease that affects the brain; I forget the exact name, but Mom kept calling it "FTP." (I've tried looking it up online but I haven't had much luck.) Apparently the disease could potentially take Spooky at any time, although there was the possibility that he could still lead a normal, healthy life. The disease is also communicable by other cats, so anyone in contact with other cats (namely my sister and brother-in-law) has to wash his or her hands thoroughly before leaving here. It was impossible to know how the disease would affect Spooky, but we all agreed that we would give Spooky the best life we could, and that if we couldn't relieve his pain then we would put him to sleep so he didn't have to suffer any more than he already has.
When Spooky came home from the vet on Monday, everything seemed to be okay; his energy hadn't completely recovered, but he could see again and he was eating again. However, today he had been totally lethargic as soon as anyone in the house was up. He was still responding to physical stimuli and purring, but he just didn't want to move anywhere. About a half hour ago, though, as Mom was taking Spooky to the litterbox, he began to spasm and twitch. It was momentary, and he seemed tired-but-okay after that, but he's going to the vet right now. We think he might have had a seizure, and that they'll be able to give him steroids -- like they did over the weekend -- at the vet's office to restore his energy. Needless to say, though, it's hard to avoid assuming the worst, especially after the horrible, horrible year this family has had in terms of deaths. If you all could please keep Spooky in your thoughts and prayers -- whatever you do -- over the next little while, my family would be most appreciative.
Mood: worried
